if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
