Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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