when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
