now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
