I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
