So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
