my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
