we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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