I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
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