apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
