I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
