I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
