I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
