I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My liver just had a heart attack.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
