Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
