Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
