is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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