I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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