Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You left your phone here
Wait...
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