My room smells like vodka and shame
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Four minutes until I can fart!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Randomize
