There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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