Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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