I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
