Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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