picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
