so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
