Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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