i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
