the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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