She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
