May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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