yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
