You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
