So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
