Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
my liver is dry heaving
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
