"it" just moved
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The adults are the big ones right?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
