alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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