if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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