I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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