I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
