He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I'm really busy with my period
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