Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I must be too annoying 4 u.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Randomize
