If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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