What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
