I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
