Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
