I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He is an equal opportunity slut.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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