Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
