Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
