Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
