If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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