I want to make a zoo with you.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
