Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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