I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
