Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i've created a new STD.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
