On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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