You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
