I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
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